


why do the stars glow above (don’t they know it’s the end of the world?)

by bydayorbynight



Series: would it be okay if I came home to you? [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Lost Decade (Roswell New Mexico), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29073789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bydayorbynight/pseuds/bydayorbynight
Summary: It was unmistakable, Alex’s presence in any room. At least, Michael thought so. He didn’t usually pay any attention to who walked into the bar, but this time he looked. And it was him. Bare-faced, hair shorter than he’d ever seen, not a piercing in sight. No less radiant.—Michael unexpectedly sees Alex for the first time since he left for training.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: would it be okay if I came home to you? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135127
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	why do the stars glow above (don’t they know it’s the end of the world?)

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous Tumblr prompt: Alex and Michael are arguing and end up kissing.

Michael had spent a whole year thinking about it, or trying not to think about it. Which just made him think about it even more.

The next time he’d see Alex, of course.

And that was _if_ there’d be a next time, but he tried not to think about that either.

The last time—well, he definitely didn’t want to think about the last time, but it was clearly etched into his memory, branded permanently on his mind—was when Alex had tossed _that_ word into the space between them like a grenade.

Enlisted.

Then the yelling. The burning, angry tears. The walking away.

He thought about it a lot. About whether he could have fixed it, maybe even convinced him to stay. Whether things would have been different if he’d kept himself out of trouble on that last day before he left. If he’d ended up making the decision easy for Alex. And whether that was what Michael had wanted after all.

Luckily, alcohol helped. Acetone, too, though he wasn’t sure it did anything for psychological pain—he’d still take the placebo effect over nothing. And on better days, he could almost convince himself that at least he was doing just one good thing by keeping Isobel safe from herself and the truth.

The Wild Pony was easy to get into with a fake ID, and Mimi Deluca never seemed to remember that he was the same age as her daughter. The bar was a watering hole for locals, but older than anyone he knew, which meant he could get lost in the white noise of strangers.

Not today though. It was unmistakable, Alex’s presence in any room. At least, Michael thought so. He didn’t usually pay any attention to who walked into the bar, but this time he looked. And it was him. Bare-faced, hair shorter than he’d ever seen, not a piercing in sight. No less radiant.

When they locked eyes, Michael could have sworn they communicated about a hundred different emotions to each other in the span of a mere second. Unfortunately, not many of them good. It seemed like Alex had taken the seat beside him at the bar out of obligation, given he could no longer turn back time.

“Long time no see,” Alex said with an uneasy smile, catching sight of Michael’s hand, better than he’d seen it last, but also forever changed.

“Yeah,” Michael responded, because he didn’t know which words would come out if he attempted to form them.

“How do they even let you in here?” He asked, eyeing the half-empty glass of whiskey.

“I could say the same for you.”

“I’m not here to drink, Mimi knows that. I’m supposed to meet up with Maria, but she just texted and said she’s running late.”

“Huh.”

“How’s UNM?”

Michael smiled joylessly. “Humbling to know you haven’t tried to keep tabs on me at all.”

“Honestly, I’d rather not hear about your college exploits at all,” Alex said, attempting casual banter.

“I didn’t go. Pretty sure I told you.”

Alex’s face fell, even though he had half-expected it. “I really thought you were going to change your mind about that.” _After I left_ , he didn’t add.

“I don’t take responsibility for your wishful thinking.”

He knew he was going to regret asking more questions, but he wanted to know. Needed it. “Okay, well what are you doing here?”

The question animated Michael, finally, and he slammed his drink down onto the bartop. “What do you mean, what am I doing here? Sorry, we can't all just leave behind everyone we care about at the first sign of trouble, can we?” He immediately felt embarrassed. It was too much. Too vulnerable. Several heads turned at the abrupt change in volume.

“I...” Alex began saying, but the words got caught up in his throat. “Sorry, this was a bad idea. I’ll see you around, Guerin.” He spun off the bar stool and was out the door before Michael could get another word in.

Alex stood behind the building, just out of view from the parking lot, taking deep breaths in an attempt to keep his heart from beating out of control.

“Damn, you’re so good at that. Must be all the practice,” Michael's voice called from behind him, caustic and wounded.

Alex turned around. “What?”

“The leaving. It really is a masterclass,” Michael said, stepping closer so he could make sure his words hit their target.

Alex let out a bitter laugh. “You think I wanted to give dear old dad the pleasure of doing exactly what he wanted me to do? It’s not like you gave me much of a reason to stay.” He hadn’t wanted to bring up his father with him, but his rising anger had carried it out all on its own.

Michael smiled and nodded as if confirming a suspected betrayal. “Right, right. Only good enough for a summer fling, I know.”

Alex grimaced. “You know it wasn’t that.” He had closed the remaining distance between them as if to counter the accusation.

Michael didn’t want to plumb the depths of why everything had fallen apart so quickly. It meant confronting ugly truths that he could barely keep muzzled in the past. And in any case, he could scarcely disentangle the myriad reasons things had gotten so supremely fucked. What percentage was covering for a triple murder? What percentage was getting his hand smashed to bits? What percentage was deep-seated childhood trauma? What percentage was Alex’s fault?

It was easiest to dwell on the latter.

“Anyway, you left. The details don’t really matter at this point, do they?”

“I wanted to say goodbye,” Alex said without meeting his eye.

Michael didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity.

“I didn’t want you to.” It was the truest thing he had said in a while.

Alex sighed. “I had to go, Michael. I couldn’t live with it, being a bad thing that happened to you.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“You don’t remember? Everything changed after that night, and I...”

“I’d rather forget,” Michael said in a low whisper, his eyes landing on Alex’s lips with a desire he couldn’t contain now that they were inches away from each other.

“We shouldn’t do this...” Alex started to say, but he couldn’t deny it either. The magnetism between them had always felt otherworldly, but it was on a whole different level now, buoyed by their heightened emotional states.

Michael leaned forward to kiss him, starting out slow and unsure, but the more he tasted of him, the more he needed it, needed him, and Alex responded in kind, giving into a force greater than himself.

The months and months of what-ifs, of regrets without closure and yearnings unrequited, crystallized into the paralyzing sweetness of coming together. But it was also tinged with the knowledge that all good things had to come to an end, eventually.

When they finally broke free, Alex stared at the dirt on the ground so he wouldn’t have to see the look on Michael’s face.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

**Author's Note:**

> My most egregious title to date, taken from The End of the World by Skeeter Davis. The shorter the fic, the longer the title?
> 
> Send me prompts on [Tumblr](https://bydayornight.tumblr.com/ask).
> 
> Comments brighten my day! Thank you for reading.


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